[special]Written as part of Dustin Stout’s Blogging challenge or as I liked to call it, a Blog-a-thon.[/special]
One of the ideas I came across on a few bloggers and podcasters mentioning is that in order to be Self-Less or generous you first need to be a bit selfish. This was usually framed in the perspective of “In order to do hard, thankless tasks which I don’t really want to do and don’t really benefit me I need to get out of my system the tasks I love [usually writing or some other creative endeavour]”
As it’s something I’ve been hearing a lot about it made me think, how true is this? Is this something that Christians can/should believe in? What about deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow me? Or that he who wants to be the greatest should become the least/servant of the rest? Well here are some thoughts on whether you should be Selfish in order to be selfless.
When selflessness is Bad
Manipulation
You know when you meet that person who says they are trying to be a servant and serve others but really they aren’t (if you say no then I’m REALLY glad for you!). Sometimes people like being a servant for others because it put someone else in their debt! After someone does something nice for us our culture is that we should do something nice back, we owe them a debt. Sometimes people will help others out and then later say “After all I’ve done for you.” or “remember when I did X”. That isn’t serving someone, a servant could never demand something from their master.
Not Looking after Yourself
Imagine that you were so reckless that you gave up everything for other people, you sold ALL you had, you gave ALL your money away, you never saved anything for yourself…it’s not sustainable is it! If people were truly completely selfless then they would probably die and not be able to help people in the long run. In fact, you might even go as far as to become an inconvince to other people as they then have to help you too.
When Selfishness Helps Others
The main argument that I’ve heard from these people advocating a bit of selfishness is that when they get to do that one task they love, that one goal they really desire then they feel happier and can serve other people with more gusto. Convexly, when they don’t get that time or the opportunity to invest in doing the task they love, then they feel worse and this is taken out on the other people around them. There can certainly be some truth in this and if we look back at the example from Health Tree, if a person didn’t look after their health then they won’t be able to help others, mental health is a similar mater and so we need to invest in our own health.
But what about our own Christian Walk? Well taking the perspective of Pipers “Christian Headonism”, he would argue that we should “Glorify God by satisfy ourselves in him and enjoying him forever.” That certainly sounds like a selfish motivation with a selfless outcome. In fact the practical outworking would look like insuring you spend time in his presence so that you can share that presence and take it with you. It might look selfish to spend those 30 mins, hour or two in the morning, but maybe it is more selfless than just heading off and helping people.
The fine line and motivation
The real challenge comes from balancing things and honestly, I’m willing to bet most people edge too much on the selfish side. The need to feed ourselves well can easily slide into gluttony, the need to spend an hour exploring our creativity can over run into hours spent away from your family or not serving others.
There is a need to look after ourselves but when we look at the bible we usually see that God tries to push us more to self denial.
I’m not settled on this one myself, I think there is some truth that being a bit “selfish” ultimately helps us to be more selfless but I feel it can be an easy excuse.
Is a little bit of Selfishness a good thing?
[Photo Credit: Thomas Hawk via Compfight cc ]
Jason Wiser says
Who could be Totally selfless and give it all away, it is not sustainable… Great point. We have had this discussion quite a bit over int he CIB community on G+. Of course you can see this being a very sensitive topic in the Christian Business community. After all, many businessmen and women admit that their calling in business is to use their skills and resources for God’s glory. Ultimately making profits that they can sow into the Kingdom. But if you are not investing wisely, but instead giving all away, your company will not grow and will likely fail. Well you get the point. Great discussion opener.
toddboyum says
At a Christian leader event once, we played a game where you had 3
pieces of medicine (in the form of beans) and you had to go to about 30
people and decide if you’d give them medicine. If you did, they’d
remain standing – if not, a person behind them told them they were dead and asked them to sit down. It was brutal. At the end, you were asked if you saved any medicine for yourself. If not, (almost nobody did), you were told you were dead. That kind of sums it up.
Our Lord represents the need to not always serve others (at least in the way they believe they should be served) – see Mark 1:36-38 where everyone is looking for him (so he can heal more) and he had the audacity to slip away to pray. Strike one – how selfish of him. Then he tells the disciples “Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can preach there also. That is why I have come” Strike two – I am not going to even go back – but I’m going to a different town to preach.
There is a hint at the end when he says, “That is why I have come”. More than serving other people, we are to serve God and bring him glory and each of us has unique gifts, mission, purpose, needs, etc. The reality is even if we are serving one group/person – giving them medicine, we are denying some other at the same time. This can be us too. Each needs to work out his own salvation with fear and trembling – asking the Holy Spirit to guide him.
When Jesus tells us the first command is to love God and the second, like it, is to love our neighbor as ourselves. He is not saying, don’t love yourself or love others more than yourself – he is saying as you love God, love yourself because you are his child and your neighbor because they are too. What we are to do is between us and God and somebody (usually religious people) is likely to be mad at us because it wasn’t what they wanted. Well, we’re in good company – they were so mad at our Lord for this reason that they crucified him.
Enjoyed the post very much and listening in on the Blogging Challenge. Thanks Chris
jesuswithoutbaggage says
I like your comment: ‘He is saying as you love God, love yourself because you are his child and your neighbor because they are too.’ In fact, this concept is very important to me.
I elaborate on it at http://jesuswithoutbaggage.wordpress.com/2013/03/08/a-third-principle-of-behavior/.
Richard Pill says
Good food for thought brother, but of course, the rote of enthusiasm however well intended or derived even, still resonates with New Frontiers and some other hallmarks “they would say that wouldn’t they” – maybe the ‘still small voice’ or a voice which adds to the pot of considerations, applicable in differential ways, means and contexts? Point is the intrinsic play-on of the puritanical sexual straight line, acts as a base note; but if it isn’t happening and we then find sex no or confined to just marriage in any expression; but divorce and a lack of support for strugglers before, during and after isn’t matching the ‘high moral teaching’; or trading ‘good on sex, soft on big bucks’ or risk aversion leading to voyerism or blind-eyeing experience being telling – wars lead to more Rest & Recreation (R&R) – Thailand and Industry, with arms and Tax breaks to make cheaper access to smoking available and no options but feel the peer pressure and pinch, doesn’t ‘excuse’ but does contextualises. There’s a need for grace, a need for healthy review and pastoral care. I am all for you M8!
jesuswithoutbaggage says
To me the answer is always ‘balance’, but I cannot define that for someone else; I can hardly define it for myself.